BFF's

That person that you have the greatest times with. That person you have all the laughs and smiles with. That person that you aren’t afraid to let see you cry your eyes out. That person who’s your sister from another mister. That person you always turn to for support. That person you know is always there for you. It’s called…your best friend.

 

Everyone has a best friend. I don’t care who you are. It could be a person in your grade, in your school, or from church. It could be your cousin or even your sibling. It could be your dog or the freaking rock in your backyard. You have one.

So what happens when your best friend starts becoming distant? You don’t know what to do. You think “Oh my word, what have I done? Did I say something?” You start to panic. You feel like you’re losing a part of yourself. Then, maybe you talk it out. Maybe you yell it out. Maybe you scream it out. Or, maybe it doesn’t get out. Maybe you let it go. Maybe you just don’t care enough to want to do anything about it. So maybe you just stop being friends.

I’m in the above situation at the moment. My best friend means everything to me. I’d take a bullet for her. I swear it. Ever since our school year started last September, she’s become quite distant. Although, I didn’t quite notice this until about two or three months ago. Once I noticed, I kind of said to myself “She’s always like this. It’s not a big deal. It’ll blow over. It always does.” But, it didn’t. It kept happening and happening. I tried my hardest to keep this friendship going, even if it wasn’t best-friendship. I turned to a different friend for help. What a mistake that was. My best friend and I finally had about a week long conversation. I told her exactly how I felt. For the first time, I didn’t hold back on my feelings. After this was done, she said she’d try harder. We made plans for the next week. We hung out, but it felt different. This wasn’t me hanging out with my best friend anymore. This was me forcing myself not to break out in complete sobs and ask her what I could do to make this better. This was me not wanting to be there with the only person I ever wanted to be with all the time: my best friend in the whole world.

After that day, I started thinking….a lot. Then, I hung out with my other friends. The friends I love to death but they weren’t the same as hanging out with my best friend. Then, I realized these people ARE my best friends. These are the people I want to be friends with for the rest of my life. They’re reliable and so awesome. Then, I made a decision. The relationship I had with my “best friend” is over. Done. Finito. I learned that I can’t continue the pain I keep feeling. I can’t continue hoping and waiting on something that will never happen. I can’t continue hoping that somehow, our friendship will rekindle and it’ll be like it used to, or that she'll change or I'll change. It wasn’t happening. So now, I am in the process of healing and filling the hole I have in my heart. I cry myself to sleep every night because of this. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made.

And if the person of whom I’m speaking of is reading this, you know who you are, I wish you all the best in your life. I hope things go your way. But I also hope that after reading this, you know how you’ve made me feel, which is deeply hurt and pained. I hope you feel look back on all those memories we had and think “those were the days” but if you don’t, I understand. And I would also like you to know that I do NOT try to be someone I’m not. I’m a different person than I was two years ago and so are you. We just don’t mix anymore, and oddly, I’m okay with that.

And so, my life lesson for this entry is: sometimes, great things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Peace, blessings, and love

Think Before You Speak!

    Lately, I've been noticing something that never used to bug me.  I've noticed that no one seems to think before they speak.  They don't care how it might hurt the person they're saying it to or even someone who just happened to overhear what they said.  I admit, I'm one of those people. 
    There's this just absolutely obnoxious girl in my Spanish class.  She does not know when it's time to be quiet, she doesn't listen to our teacher (whom has been a sub in our class for three months because our regular teacher is on maternity leave), she has no respect for anyone's privacy, and she says things that are absolutely terrible.  She said to one of the guys in our class that they were so dumb because they didn't know what the Spanish word for "walks", and I just looked at his face after she said that to him and he looked really hurt but just brushed off because...you know, he's a guy! Guys don't show emotion very well. But for that split second, I saw just exactly how much words can hurt people.
     One more example will be someone who says the word "retarded" a lot.  I have a lot of friends who do that.  I used to.  I can't anymore, not after a situation I saw.  I was walking around a mall last summer and a mother was there with her little girl and a little boy.  This little boy was really cute.  He looked like the happiest kid alive.  He had a helmet on and you could tell he was mentally challenged.  I was sitting on a bench and I watched this little boy.  His mom went into a store and the kids went with her.  About five minutes later, that little boy came out of the store, running and smiling and having a jolly good time.  His mother came running out of the store looking rabid.  She looked to her right and then the left and then she spotted him watching a man give a woman a massage at one of the stands.  She went over and grabbed his arm and almost literally dragged him back into the store.  I heard her yelling at him about how stupid he was and that he was so retarded and he dare not run off like that again.  This kid was young, but old enough to understand what his mother was saying to him.  He bawled and sobbed his eyes out.  Everyone in the mall was staring at this mother and her son.  Now, I understand she was probably scared to death but did she stop to think her words through? Probably not. 
    My point is, words can hurt.  Words can hurt anyone, no matter how small or happy-go-lucky they are.  They understand what you're saying and it hurts.  Please, think your words through before you say them.  I have been doing a much better job with this (at least I hope so!).  And if anyone ever says a hurtful thing to you, don't try to dwell on it too much.  Don't lash back with hurtful words in return, because you know how it feels.  You know who you are and what's inside you and what's true about you.  You know you better than anyone else ever could.  As long as you know it isn't true, nobody else's opinion matters. 
    Peace, Blessings, and Love!!

Don't Sweat It!

     As my sophomore year comes to a sad close, I begin to think "All right.  I'm graduating in two years.  What in the world am I going to do with my life after high school?"
     This honestly isn't the first time I've thought about this.  Ever since my oldest sister started her senior year almost three years ago, I have been wanting to know where I'm going to college, what job I'm going to have as an adult, you know, all the things you do after high school.  I used to be almost anal about it.  Before I entered the eighth grade, I knew all that.  But now, two and a half years later, I'm clueless.  My plan was to go to Saint Cloud State University and major in Criminal Justice.  The more I grow up and as life goes on, I've grown out of that.  All my friends know where they're going to college and what they're majoring in and they think they've got life figured out until they die in sixty-some years.  When I told my mom that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, she told me this: "Honey, don't sweat it. You're a bright, young, fifteen-year-old girl.  You've got a whole two years to figure it out.  In that time, you'll experience new things, learn lots, and I'm sure by the time you reach the point where you start applying to college, you'll have it figured out."
     I took this to heart.  And then I decided, she's right!  I can't go around at fifteen being paranoid and a worrywart about what I'm going to do with my life!  I'm young.  I have lots of time to figure it out.  For now, I'm going to enjoy the last two years of high school with all my might and just live. 
     I learned a life lesson out of this: You don't always have to know what's next.  Sometimes, it really is okay to just go with the flow!  God will lead where He wishes you to be at the right time.  Let Him help you with your life decisions because God has a plan for me and each and every one of us here on Earth.
    Peace, blessings, and love!