That person that you have the greatest times with. That person you have all the laughs and smiles with. That person that you aren’t afraid to let see you cry your eyes out. That person who’s your sister from another mister. That person you always turn to for support. That person you know is always there for you. It’s called…your best friend.
Everyone has a best friend. I don’t care who you are. It could be a person in your grade, in your school, or from church. It could be your cousin or even your sibling. It could be your dog or the freaking rock in your backyard. You have one.
So what happens when your best friend starts becoming distant? You don’t know what to do. You think “Oh my word, what have I done? Did I say something?” You start to panic. You feel like you’re losing a part of yourself. Then, maybe you talk it out. Maybe you yell it out. Maybe you scream it out. Or, maybe it doesn’t get out. Maybe you let it go. Maybe you just don’t care enough to want to do anything about it. So maybe you just stop being friends.
I’m in the above situation at the moment. My best friend means everything to me. I’d take a bullet for her. I swear it. Ever since our school year started last September, she’s become quite distant. Although, I didn’t quite notice this until about two or three months ago. Once I noticed, I kind of said to myself “She’s always like this. It’s not a big deal. It’ll blow over. It always does.” But, it didn’t. It kept happening and happening. I tried my hardest to keep this friendship going, even if it wasn’t best-friendship. I turned to a different friend for help. What a mistake that was. My best friend and I finally had about a week long conversation. I told her exactly how I felt. For the first time, I didn’t hold back on my feelings. After this was done, she said she’d try harder. We made plans for the next week. We hung out, but it felt different. This wasn’t me hanging out with my best friend anymore. This was me forcing myself not to break out in complete sobs and ask her what I could do to make this better. This was me not wanting to be there with the only person I ever wanted to be with all the time: my best friend in the whole world.
After that day, I started thinking….a lot. Then, I hung out with my other friends. The friends I love to death but they weren’t the same as hanging out with my best friend. Then, I realized these people ARE my best friends. These are the people I want to be friends with for the rest of my life. They’re reliable and so awesome. Then, I made a decision. The relationship I had with my “best friend” is over. Done. Finito. I learned that I can’t continue the pain I keep feeling. I can’t continue hoping and waiting on something that will never happen. I can’t continue hoping that somehow, our friendship will rekindle and it’ll be like it used to, or that she'll change or I'll change. It wasn’t happening. So now, I am in the process of healing and filling the hole I have in my heart. I cry myself to sleep every night because of this. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made.
And if the person of whom I’m speaking of is reading this, you know who you are, I wish you all the best in your life. I hope things go your way. But I also hope that after reading this, you know how you’ve made me feel, which is deeply hurt and pained. I hope you feel look back on all those memories we had and think “those were the days” but if you don’t, I understand. And I would also like you to know that I do NOT try to be someone I’m not. I’m a different person than I was two years ago and so are you. We just don’t mix anymore, and oddly, I’m okay with that.
And so, my life lesson for this entry is: sometimes, great things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Peace, blessings, and love
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